The Unseen Burden of Chronic Pain

The Unseen Burden of Chronic Pain

So, what do we do? Give in to the screams inside? Lash out in fear and desperation?

Here’s my story.

Nick Morace - Founder of Hope Essentials

By Nick Morace

The burden of proof falls heavily on the shoulders of many chronic pain sufferers. An invisible pain gnawing away at a quality of life so distant now it is hardly remembered at all. Day after day we push forward with a fake smile while our loved ones fall apart in helpless despair yearning to help, to comfort, to give us peace yet not fully understanding the immensity of weight we carry. Friends and strangers alike offer many suggestions not knowing every avenue of treatment has been exhausted. We cringe and smile. “Thank you. I’ll look into that” It makes them feel like they’re helping, they’re not. We slip into the safety of our minds and shut off the world around us. Our wives, husbands, children, friends, and family see only misery and push a false narrative, “You just have to get up and push through”. We can’t. Hope and joy start to slip away to darkness and loneliness. Constant debilitating pain, unseen to the naked eye is winning the war inside our heads.

“You just have to get up and push through”

So, what do we do? Give in to the screams inside? Lash out in fear and desperation? Here’s my story.

September 16, 2011 was like any other day. My beautiful wife sent me off to work at the auto repair shop. Before leaving I gently kissed my 6-month-old baby boy on the cheek and smiled as he drooled in my beard with a wide toothless grin. I was 27 and living a peaceful life.

Work was difficult but I received immense satisfaction working with my hands. As normal, my back was tight, hands hurt, and little sleep weighed in heavy toward the end of the day. Throwing a leg over my motorcycle signified the end of my shift and the reward was the cool wind rushing past as my tension slipped away mile after mile. It was a Friday. The tightness in my low back started to creep down my left leg.

“I’m good. Just pushed a little too hard today”.

One mile from home I shifted my weight only to find my legs weren’t listening. Faster now I rode. I needed to get home. Pulling in the driveway provided a sense of relief but it was temporary. Kickstand down, I swung my leg off my bike and fell to the ground experiencing the worst pain I could imagine. My vision blurred, I couldn’t breathe, I passed out from the intensity of pain working its way through my body and mind. I was going to die.

“You’re a Unicorn with the perfect storm”.

My doctors and surgeons all agreed. The scans had shown advanced lumbar stenosis, four bulged discs, several bone spurs, advanced degenerative disc disease, major impingement of the S1 and Sciatic nerves, and later was told I had rheumatoid arthritis in my spine and neuropathy down my left side. It may as well be a death sentence to a 27-year-old man with a wife and son. And it was for many years.

Five years into this new lonely world full of uncertainty and constant invisible pain, the realization that medication prescribed to me only numbed my mind and forced my body to move creating more harm than good was clear. “Just apply for disability.” “You can’t work anymore.” “You’ll never walk unassisted again.” “You’ll never ride your motorcycle again.” “Just give it up.” Encouraging words from my so-called Health Professionals. The course was set but deep inside I was not ready to give up. Thoughts of memories past filled my scattered mind reminding me of a better life. A life once so promising for great things had become a hollow shell full of hate, resentment, and misery. Two choices presented themselves each time my tired eyes opened to attempt to conquer another meaningless day; try something else or end it all and be done with this curse. The latter seemed too inviting.

Judging eyes always seemed to pierce through the cold exterior I had created to keep everyone at bay. They didn’t know. They don’t believe you. Thoughts of wearing a cast or sitting in a wheel chair constantly swirled through the daily confusion. Maybe then they’ll see my pain. Maybe. It was then I knew “they” weren’t the problem. The problem was my consent to allow other’s skewed opinions to creep into my mind and control my self-dialogue. Proof of pain was nonexistent. So why try so hard to make it so?

Shutting out the noise my focus became nothing but research. I was introduced to CBD but quickly discounted its claim to fame after trying some cheaply made oil that tasted horrible and did nothing to quiet the rage inside of me. Research was the name of the game and now it was all I lived for. Answers are out there, I just needed to find them. I did. After four years and hundreds of products and companies the obvious conclusion was not all CBD was created the same. Most were nothing but glycerin and vitamin E. Quality product would cost an arm and a leg, but it worked.

“Why can’t I make my own?”

Hope Essentials was born.

Freedom, our CBD infused pain relief cream and Serena, our CBD infused massage oil are a direct result of the many years of research and formulation to find the perfect products to provide a pain sufferer at a price most dealing with chronic pain are comfortable accepting. I invite you to reach out and calm the storm inside. Share your story. You never know who is listening. Speak and Live Life.

-Hope

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